December 8, 2009

Rock Supergroups Combine to Make Ultimagroup.

In a press release from a small studio in Burbank, California, it has been declared that some of rock music's most recognizable superstars have joined together to form perhaps the biggest rock band the world will ever know. The many iconic musicians were pulled together from existing groups by the King of Side Projects, Dave Grohl.

Grohl, whom you might remember from grunge side note Nirvana, had also organized a failed supergroup called Probot, which featured Lemmy of Motorhead fame, in 2004. Throughout the years, Grohl has also been sighted behind the drum kit for bands like Killing Joke, Tommy Iommi, Tenacious D, Queens of the Stone Age, Garbage, Cat Power, Nine-Inch Nails, Juliette and the Licks, Pete Yorn, Paul McCartney, The Prodigy, and also sang back-up vocals for a toaster in his kitchen.

This new project is being said to be something "far beyond a supergroup." Needing a new word to describe the sheer hugeness of the band, they have been dubbed an "omega-group."

Inside the packed studio were music heroes from the last two decades, of all ages and all sub-genres. United for the common cause of rocking like a hurricane.

Although no cameras or recording gear of any kind were allowed inside the studio at the time of the announcement, the following list of names has been distributed:
  • Scott Weiland and Slash of Velvet Revolver
  • Chris Cornell of Audioslave and Temple of the Dog
  • Eddie Vedder of Temple of the Dog
  • Jack White of The Raconteurs and The Dead Weather
  • Travis Barker of The Transplants
  • Tom DeLonge of Angels and Airwaves
  • Billy Corgan of Zwan
  • Ted Nugent of Damn Yankees and Damnocracy
  • John Paul Jones of Them Crooked Vultures
  • Bob Dylan and Tom Petty of The Traveling Wilburys
With a wild amalgam like this, the potential is limitless. And there seems no possible way that all of these egos could collide in a terrible way, causing in-fighting, ultimately leading to a massive split. It's like mixing dynamite with more dynamite. It's a recipe for an explosion of musical tolerance.

Pictured: The greatest band ever.

Though no songs have been released, recorded, or even written at this point, the music industry has already placed the group's upcoming album, Too Much To Handle, at #1 on every major music chart in the universe.